You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
