This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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