turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
