He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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