I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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