I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
