he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
