Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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