I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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