You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
