You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
