This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
