This is not my ceiling
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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