i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
