wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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