I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
