He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize