who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
