Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
