My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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