He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
