if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
