How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
