I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What drink are we having for lunch?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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