Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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