at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
