Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm drive I can fine osifer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
