she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
