Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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