you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
