Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
