alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
