Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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