what day is it and did you see me today?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize