if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
