i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
