At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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