why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this boner is exhausting
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
