So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
