no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
