What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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