haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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