I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
