So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
