That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
