My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
