I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
