He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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