are you still at the devil's house?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
third nipple confirmed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
