Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
