I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
