Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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