you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
