I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I puked a lego.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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