He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
