If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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