I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
