you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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