i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His hands were made for my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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