.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize