bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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