Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
