he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
