I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
