So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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