If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
