she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
