Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
