Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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