defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize