i jhust puked up my retainher.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
