I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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