How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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