and she was petting her beer can
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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