you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
