im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
