a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
