Michael Bay diarrhea
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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