Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just had sex bonerless
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
