My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want a musical about memes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize