i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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