sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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