Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
