I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
