1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
