So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
