I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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