please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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