if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
