What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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