my phone needs a breathalizer
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
