Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
