So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
