I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
