I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
