Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
