Me too!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
