Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
