There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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