We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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