is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
