My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize